This is the continuation of the story of a worthless girl who can do nothing right-or is it? You decide.
I published the first part last Thursday. Please make sure you read that first.
He wanted me to get rid of it but my religion didn’t believe in abortion. I didn’t know how I was going to cope but when I was three months pregnant my godmother died. She had been a friend of my Mother’s, and I always called her Aunty Peggie, so I thought of her as my last surviving relative. Although I hadn’t seen her for more than a year she not only left me her house, but enough money that I wouldn’t have to work until the baby was old enough to go to school.
She had known about my pregnancy and was looking forward to being a great aunt. I cried buckets at her funeral knowing that I hadn’t even done that right; she would never get to see my child, although she had ensured I would have the means to bring him or her up without financial worries.
A few weeks after I moved into the house Paul unexpectedly turned up on the doorstep. He told me one of our mutual friends had just let him know about Peggie, and now I was on my own he was there to support me. True to his word he moved in the following week as by coincidence the lease on his flat was expiring.
It was a lot for him to adjust to; having someone under his feet when he was used to his own space, finding me always tired, often nauseous and not even able to give him regular sex because of the baby.
After he had been living with me for a month or so my awkwardness nearly caused a miscarriage. I was trying to get past him on the top landing when my fat belly got in the way and I stumbled and fell down several steps. I remember his hand touching my back, obviously trying to stop me falling. Luckily the paramedics turned up quickly when I phoned them and the hospital confirmed everything was OK. When I got home I found him sleeping so I was grateful my clumsiness hadn’t disturbed his rest after his night out with the lads.
He had even suggested we get married, but his explanations about tax advantages and benefits were too much for my simple head. I never even got round to visiting the solicitor he recommended so I could make a Will now that I was a property owner and would soon have dependants. He enlightened me about what would happen if I died; all my estate would go to the government and he would have no rights to anything so the child would suffer, and need to go into a home.
He was right, of course he was right, but I was so tired and never got round to it. How selfish was I that I was too lazy to protect my child’s future? Jamie was born and I tried my best to keep him quiet when Paul was home. Luckily he was a good baby and most of the time I managed to pacify him and have him in bed when Paul got in from work. At last I felt I was doing something right.
I was horrified how quickly my bank savings were diminishing but babies were costly, and when Paul lost his job things became even tighter. Another of my many faults, I couldn’t handle money properly. Nappies and baby care products were expensive, bills seem to go up all the time and with no money coming in I was soon frittering away my inheritance. Obviously Paul had to have some cash when he went out with his friends; it would be too embarrassing not to be able to buy his round, they would think he was a cheapskate.
When the baby was born we stopped sharing a bed. It wasn’t fair to disturb Paul every time I got up in the night to feed Jamie or cuddle him when he was crying. No wonder he got upset sometimes but even when he gave me the slap I deserved I still didn’t learn. He started staying away for days, and I felt guilty that I enjoyed those quiet times with just my baby and me. What sort of a woman doesn’t even want her partner around to share the special times when their baby took his first steps or spoke his first words?
Time passed and I tried my best to be a good mother. I laughed and cried my way through the terrible twos, and despite all my failings was so grateful that I had been blessed with such a wonderful child, even though he was growing up so quickly.
Jamie was nearly three and I hadn’t seen Paul for a week when a banging on the door woke me at three o’clock in the morning. Stumbling down the stairs before the noise woke the baby, I opened the door to find the father of my child swaying and trying to get his key in the lock. ‘What took you so long, bitch?’ he greeted me as he staggered into the front room. He looked a mess, and I panicked trying to remember if I had washed and ironed his clothes, or if they were still in the basket where I had been too lazy to clean them.
After puking in the bathroom he demanded his conjugal rights and despite my protests Ami was conceived. After all these years what had I learnt? Nothing! I was still not on the pill as my sex life was non-existent, so as usual I had procrastinated.
Once again my idiocy resulted in another burden for Paul, although I adored my lovely girl and was pleased that Jamie wouldn’t be an only child as I had been. Five years of training still hadn’t taught me anything; I was as pathetic as I had always been, I deserved ever admonishment I got, but not my children, they were innocent.
So that is my story your Honour. I know what I did was wrong and I am worthless as a human being, but I still don’t think it’s right the way Paul tried to train my children. My only regret is that due to my inadequacies they might end up in a care home rather than in a loving, caring family.
I’m sorry that I failed you Jamie and Ami but know that I will always love you, and this jury are just doing their duty to make the world you grow up in a better place without people like me. Love you.
‘Members of the jury, you have heard all the evidence. Have you reached a verdict?’
If you enjoy my short stories please check out my books; available on Amazon or to order at any UK bookshop. Any problems please feel free to contact me on Voinks@hotmail.co.uk.
‘ABC Destiny’ by Voinks
‘Changes’ by Voinks