How to become an author in 20 easy lessons

It’s done. My first attempt at self-publishing is complete and ‘Spirit of Technology’ is entered into the Amazon storyteller competition. All I need now are the reviews and I can start arranging the party on my new yacht.   😀
Meanwhile here’s a little tutorial in case anyone thinks being an author is easy.

Part 1
1. Read a lot. Anything and everything, even the back of cereal packets is good.
2. (Not recommended.) Have a freak accident which leaves you bed-bound and staring at the ceiling.
3. To save your sanity start writing the book you’ve never had time to complete, as incidental things like earning a living got in the way.
4. Submit to a publisher.
5. Get a rejection letter.
6. Cry.
7. Repeat steps 4 to 6 innumerable times but now with chocolate, tissues and coffee on automatically replenished shopping order.
8. Receive ‘We want to see more’ communication from publishers.
9. Do crazy, skippy, happy dance (totally forgetting about useless leg).
10. Discover this is just the beginning and learn to love the editor’s big red pen.

Part 2
1. Sit back and assume your beautiful book will immediately hit the best sellers list.
2. Realise that’s not quite how it works.
3. Double the chocolate, tissues and coffee order.
4. Accept you are now totally hooked and start writing your second book.
5. Repeat steps 4 to 10 as above.

Part 3
1. Assume you now know everything about publishing a book.
2. Decide to self-publish your third novel.
3. Realise there’s a big time gap between ‘ABC Destiny’ and your latest, ‘Spirit of Technology’ and have another little cry while you battle to overcome the gremlins.
4. Triple the tissues, chocolate and coffee order while you try to learn the difference between metatarsals and meta tags.
5. Thank readers for their support and ask them to leave a review.
Leaving Amazon reviews post 21.8.16 14054022_10209433599090940_1353784628505046901_n

If you are interested in reading the book here are the links. Thank you. 

www.amazon.co.uk/Spirit-Technology-Val-Portelli-ebook/dp/B0711K2LKG

www.amazon.com/Spirit-Technology-Val-Portelli-ebook/dp/B0711K2LKG

Spirit of Technology cover 28.5.17 4153DAKaOKL

 

© Voinks April 2017

 

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2 thoughts on “How to become an author in 20 easy lessons

  1. Love this <3. Mind you I have considered #2 as a viable solution to my lack of time to do any writing, lol. I've actually caught myself being jealous of other writers who had to spend sometime in a hospital bed. Scary right? Insanity is settling in quickly…

    Like

  2. I know what you mean but in some ways you get even less time to write then.
    Food- 2 hours to prop yourself up to be able to eat. Trip to the loo- another 3 hours gone. Sleep for an hour to recover. Day gone. 😀 Mind you, an escape down the rabbit hole might be quite useful some days. 😉

    Like

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