How to be a blogging author

Being an author can sometimes be a lonely existence. When it’s just you, a laptop and your characters the doubts set in and you wonder if it’s all worthwhile. Then you receive an email, review or comment which puts a smile on your face and makes all the angst meaningful.

Book bloggers are worth their weight in gold for the service they provide in helping up and coming writers and spreading the word about their books. Without them many fabulous books would be lost in the myriad of publications, good, bad and indifferent.

I’m delighted to share a recent guest post by one such book blogger, who despite having her own family commitments is an avid reader and still manages to find time to support authors.

You can read my tongue-in-cheek guest post on ‘How to be a blogging author’ here.

Guest post How to be a blogging author

© Voinks July 2018

Val Portelli author page UK

Voinks author page US

If you prefer not to follow links the post is reproduced below:

Dear Readers

Would you like to know what is involved in writing and publishing a book? Yes? Then pull up a chair, make yourself comfortable, pass the chocolates and I’ll begin.

First you need to assemble the tools of the trade:

500 boxes of tissues (to be replenished as necessary)
10 packets of false fingernails
60 gallons of coffee (per week)
1 bottle of Champagne (in case the impossible happens)
A spare computer.

These will be used for:

Mopping up tears when you receive yet another rejection letter
To replace the fingernails you bite to the quick while waiting for said rejection letter
To keep you awake through the wee small hours while the story is flowing
It’s best to arrange sale or return of celebratory alcohol considering the miniscule odds of Hollywood knocking offering millions to make your manuscript into a blockbuster starring (insert favourite actor here)
To replace the laptop you threw through the window when it irrevocably lost the 50,000 words you have spent six months writing.

You remember all those wonderful ideas clogging up your brain? Don’t worry. As soon as you sit in front of your computer to begin your masterpiece they will all immediately disappear.

The day finally arrives when you receive the ‘want to see more’ letter. Do a happy, skippy dance. Tell everyone you know the good news at least 10 million times. This also applies to the postman, the dustmen and the person standing behind you in the supermarket queue (even if you’ve never seen them before.)

Realise you no longer have any friends as you’ve ignored them for the past year or so while you’ve been writing your book.

Next you will need to publicise your book a little further afield. This is where blogging comes into its own and is in two parts. First there are those wonderful book bloggers who spend their lives reading and sharing their thoughts and reviews for the benefit of other readers. Unbelievably, this is a free service. They must be nearly as crazy as authors who spend their time writing the books for bloggers to read…. Well, you get the gist.

As an author you will also need to be a blogger. This is easy.

You find a domain name, set up a blog, research for people to follow you, discover 90% of them are an email address and nothing else. Their sole purpose is to cause disruption as they are not the slightest bit interested in you or your books, and just think it’s highly amusing to waste your time. Secretly, I believe they are tissue manufacturers who double their sales every time a writer comes up with new content.

This is where the paths diverge leaving you several options as you need to make your fortune on Aunty Amazon.

1) Check every five minutes after the book release, climb onto the rooftops and shout loudly when you make two sales, and/or receive two reviews. (There is no need to announce the purchasers were your Mum and your best friend, in fact this is against the rules.)

2) Investigate various book bloggers who might be able to help. This involves checking out their blog to see if your book fits their particular requirements and rejecting those who charge a fee, however tempting it may be. A good tip is to find a responsible gathering point (a blagger of bloggers?) get to know them and practice your curtsy before you go cap in hand to grovel before these wonderful people to ask them to feature you. (Do you see what I did there?)

3). After a while you’ll realise you have still only sold three copies (Good old Aunty Aggie) and drastic action is needed. Again, you have options.

a) Consider arranging a blog tour. This is where several bloggers promote your book over a short period of time. Although it’s a paid service it’s something well worth leaving to the experts, although your expertise in grovelling will come in handy when you approach the bank manager.
b) Sulk and become a diva.
c) Decide ‘I’m a failure’ as per Some Mothers do have ‘em.’ Give up writing and invest in a tissue making factory.
d) Eat chocolate, wallow in self pity for a while, then get on with writing your next book. ‘This time next year, Rodney…..’



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